Have You Got the Time?
One of the issues that can cause tension in both personal relationships and work relationships is each person’s internal or individual sense of time.
What do I mean by this? Each of us has an orientation to time that is individual and unique. In this post, I will unpack some of the common themes and provide some resources that can help each of us understand and name our sense of time and accommodate other perspectives.
Before I begin, it should be noted that there are different ways of measuring one’s orientation to time that can be great “hacks” to understanding others. The CliftonStrengths assessment provides excellent concrete examples of how people orient toward time. If you have not taken the assessment, please read on.
Some people prefer to look to the past as a way to navigate the future, in CliftonStrengths this is often a person who has the dominant theme of Context. Others may be more rooted in the present moment and mindful about how to navigate what is “now”. In CliftonStrengths, this is often true of Adaptability. Clients tell me that they use this theme to move through chaotic situations. Finally, Futuristic and Achiever are themes that are oriented toward what is to come or to be created. I often consider our Futuristic friends to be masters at “backward” design.
As Victor Seet discusses in his article about the sense of time, some themes in CliftonStrengths have a speed associated with them. Activator, Strategic, and Woo are energetic and fast-moving themes (https://www.victor-seet.com/cliftonstrengths-blog/speed-based-strengthsfinder-themes). Other themes including many of the Strategic Thinking themes as well as Deliberative, and Relator may be slower to act and need more time and space to process.
Whether you have taken the CliftonStrengths assessment or not, it is helpful to notice what a person’s orientation toward time is. (I will give some ideas to lean into that later in this article.) In some cases, myself included, I can impose my sense of time on others due to my combination of Maximizer, Arranger, Achiever, Strategic, and Responsibility. I tend to pack quite a bit of energy into decisions and achieving once I decide to move forward. Honestly, this intensity and resolve are both a blessing and a curse. Just ask my partner.
Speaking of my partner, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, he has a different orientation toward time that is deeply intentional and careful. He has Deliberative and Analytical in his top five CliftonStrengths themes. As we have come to learn and adapt to one another’s ways of being over the last 20-plus years, we have a greater appreciation and understanding of one another. We intentionally adapt most of our decisions to accommodate both styles.
In my work with clients, I find that time orientation is one of the most impactful and unnamed dynamics at play in relationships that can cause friction. So, how do we lean into and learn about our own and other’s sense of time and concretely accommodate for this?
First, consider your orientation toward time. Improved relationships always begin with self-awareness. It is easy to adhere to “my way is just better or more effective” and yet, this will undoubtedly cause alienation and friction. Consider a few examples of your best work and notice what was true about how you navigated timelines. Here are some questions to get you started.
What conditions are important for me to have the space to make decisions?
What is my timeline from decision point to action?
What other resources or human input do I need to move forward?
What is my process for accomplishing tasks or making decisions?
When we work in collaborative relationships we can ask questions of one another to create a deeper understanding.
Given x idea or project, what is your priority?
What kind of timeline do you need to accomplish or make a decision? (Remember some people need time to research, think through, or verbally process with others before they move forward.)
What information or support would you like from me, if any?
What day or date would be good to reconnect with you? (This is a practice called “closing the loop”)
In closing, I think it is always useful to understand that most often we all want the same things. How we arrive at getting there can look very different.
What have you noticed about your sense of time? What would you like to learn more about? How might you apply this information?
If you are interested in learning more, taking the CliftonStrengths assessment, or engaging in conversation about your unique talents, feel free to schedule a complimentary session with me.