Riding the surf
I was away from the blog for a while because I stepped away from my business life to take care of my family. I hosted an online auction to raise funds for my son, Mason, who suffered a spinal cord injury in January 2021. Following the close of the auction, I was off to Florida to prepare my mother’s home for sale and to make sure she had all she needed in her new home at the memory care unit that she now resides in.
For our family and for so many, these Covid years have felt, at times, like I am being dragged underwater. Sometimes it is a challenge to catch my breath.
As a long-time practitioner of meditation and mind-body medicine, I still remark at how this life takes me by surprise and challenges the calm I work so hard to cultivate. As a parent, one of my few regrets has been that I felt I should have done a better job preparing my children for adversity. It turns out, that like most people, they have designed their own tools to manage adversity (and both have come through stronger and wiser because of it).
What I know to be true is that sometimes there is nothing more that I can do than to sit in my feelings when they arise and breathe. Our society tends to look for quick fixes and ways to avoid feeling deep emotions and some folks choose to deny feelings altogether. What I have learned over my years is that stuffing or denying challenging emotions only pushes them underground to fester and wreak havoc on my internal organs (or my family).
In my study of trauma and resilience, I recently read the book “When the Body Says No” by Gabor Mate. The book is a reminder of how our bodies carry trauma and emotion and how connected to our physical health our emotions really are. I have found that sometimes it is my body that reminds me of the emotions I am feeling because my brain is often busy strategizing next steps and being logical.
As an only child, the decision to move my Mom to a facility (where she can have her dog), was the hardest and most heartbreaking decision I have ever made. Mom became very ill (during the auction) and was hospitalized and rather than have her return home and continue 24 hour care there, it made sense to move her to the small family style facility where she could receive PT and additional medical care. Just this week, I was finally able to have one of the first phone call conversations with my Mom since she moved, even though it was brief, it filled me up again and soothed my broken heart. I finally felt like my head was above water for the first time in a while. I was also reminded that experiencing a full range of emotions in this life is beautiful and sacred and part of the adventure.
And so, I have been away, feeling my emotions and taking some time to heal myself. I have been away gathering sources of strength and filling myself up with the company of good friends and love from my family.